Holding on or letting go?: the resolution of grief in relation to two Xhosa rituals in South Africa

Abstract

The dominant emphasis in Western models of bereavement is on the breaking of bonds with the deceased in order for healing to occur. Failure to let go often leads to a diagnosis of 'pathological grief'. This paper challenges the assumption that death invariably means that the bonds with the deceased have to be severed. Situating Western models of bereavement in a modernist context not only challenges the 'truth' claims of these models, but also facilitates a deconstruction of the elements that contribute to the emphasis on letting go. In contrast to these theories, two Xhosa rituals (umkhapho and umbuyiso) that seek to sustain the bond with the deceased person will be examined. Such rituals demonstrate that it is possible to both maintain the bond and for the bereaved person to move on with their lives. Despite different contexts, it will be argued that these Xhosa bereavement rituals have a contribution to make to Western models of bereavement and some implications for therapy will be explored.